Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
