I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
