That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
