talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
