And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and she was petting her beer can
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
