I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
