Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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