i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
