I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
