Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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