I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
