I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
