Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
