Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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