that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
