My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
