Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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