Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
