Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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