nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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