Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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