where am i from again
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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