I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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