Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
