when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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