wanna go halves on a baby?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
