I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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