Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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