We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
