Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
