I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
