She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
