So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
