never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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