I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i believe in u and ur pee
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
