Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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