my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
