his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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