At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
