Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
