Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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