8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
