I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I AM VODKA MAN
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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