He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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