hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
