They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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