the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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