Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm having to shit out rocks
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