sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
