evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
