You smell like stripper and shame
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
