If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My pussy is not your playground.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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