Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
