So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
