apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
