wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
