First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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