the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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