i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
